Saturday, February 18, 2006

Moving on to week seven....

...irritably, unfortunately. Go ahead and skip this if you want. I'm still grumpy and whining, apparently. Perhaps because I'm praying I'll have enough bedding not to freeze my posterior off tonight because, thanks to the washing machine's glitch earlier, I'm actually a couple hours behind where I meant to be in getting it washed - and it's all been on the floor. ARGH!

I thought with some eagerness, ooo, this week would apply more! And it does. I mean, right there is my perfectionism bug. Unfortunately it's accompanied by jealousy as a topic, and I can think of only a single person I'm jealous of. Not because she's good at any one thing, but because she's good at everything, from drawing to writing poetry and fiction and songs to singing to having friends (who adore her) and.... I like her, but I'm jealous. It's not "she can write fiction" or "she can sing" or "she can write poetry" though - it's that she's all that, all at once. (While, I might add, holding down a day job.)

Other than that, I'm failing to think of anything that makes me jealous, really. It might exist but I haven't run into it lately. Or else my truly horrid memory is not providing it if it should be. Then on the complete-these-phrases thing, a lot of my answers didn't work or I didn't have answers. I didn't lack for much as a kid, though I found a couple things. Of the things I did lack for, with a couple exceptions, I've tried those things since then - and discovered I don't really care for them after all. I only missed the opportunity to find that out when younger, but it's since been done. (There are, again, an exception or two that I'm making note of - and they're particularly important ones - but most of those 10 sentences were dead ends.) Then, a couple of the "take positive inventory" sentences had no positive answers for me. Negative ones, yes. Positive, not so very much so. I had to scramble on what the morning pages have shown me, because I don't really remember what's in them, so I finally settled on "I can get up when the alarm first goes off" for pity's sake! Lying in bed that extra 15-30 minutes used to be one of my luxuries and here I am celebrating that I no longer do? Gah! That's still better than some of the others, though.

Also, for the record, I am sick of these tasks involving collage. I know Julia loves it. I hate it. It's sticky, annoying, takes too long, and invariably the results are at best blah. I have done collage. I have done it to see if it was fun, for artistic reasons, because our illustrious author said I should, because I needed something really fast, and to preserve images I like. And I don't like it. I know we're supposed to do the tasks we resist, but I flat dislike making collages. It is sticky and tedious. I'm tired of tasks that ask me to do something I dislike so much. May I please photocopy these tasks and glue them to Julia, if I must collage something? :P

Honestly. Apparently I'm going through one of those negative phases - or perhaps Julia's not God (although she seems to think she is) and this part of the book just sucks for relevance for me. I really wouldn't mind so much if her tone were more like Kat's supportive tone, if it were more "take what you can, try this, leave the rest" instead of acting like it's all gospel truth for everyone - which makes me feel like a failure when I don't have her damned issues!

Grrr. I may do some or most of the exercises, but not the collage-related ones (or, if there's more to them than that, not the collage part), and not #6 unless I can think of something I need or want. I don't need clutter, even if it is wonderful clutter. If I can think of something that would be wonderful not-clutter, then I'll get it. If I can find one I like.

Grrr. Apparently I am more snarly than musing. I'm sure you figured that out way before reading this sentence, though. My apologies to anyone who actually read this rant through this far! (Unless you feel the same way and it was validating, in which case I suppose apologizing would be silly!)

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