Saturday, May 19, 2007

Sputter, Sputter.

Or, false starts. I'm back off the morning pages. What I found was that they unearthed where I was stuck...and then got in the way of getting unstuck by using up time while just repeating the same thing. I quickly grew frustrated with the time it takes to write them, which is actually a very common reaction to the MPs for me. I did them diligently throughout the AW back when, and sometimes they helped and often they didn't. So now I am more of the mind to do them when I am feeling stuck or caught, then let them go for a while. Maybe I am rationalizing (okay, I am rationalizing; maybe I am also right, maybe I am not), but I think this is what I need to do. ADs are another matter. I'm trying to figure out what mine should be this week - a little late there, aren't I? Maybe I will go up to the Gardens today except I am not really in the mood. Oops.

I am doing okay. And dealing with my grief, I think. I'm not sure quite what brought that poem to the surface in April (or the dream that led to it). I know this - I know I welcome dreams of my parents, though I'd rather connect with them, not see them sitting there tired and fading.

I have been doing some swaps at - just sent a few items in the first ones, waiting to get my items. So we'll see how that goes. But it's interesting, and it's another way of connecting to people.


Kara said...

I say make the morning pages your own - they are a tool and it seems you've found a way to use them when you need them.
I can understand the sputter sputter - some days feel more creative and other days feel like two hundred steps back into stuckness.

I stumbled upon a book on the new book shelf at the library - "Always Too Soon" by Allison Gilbert and Christina Baker Kline. It has stories of all sorts of people about grieving both parents. For me it's been a help to read the stories but I know it might not be something that would help you - yet I wanted to give you this title.

Laura said...


Thank you for the recommendation on the book - I will check it out and see how I react to it. It sounds like it might help me and, if not, at least I will know.

Thank you!