Friday, May 11, 2007

Slowly starting back. And a poem.

I am beginning my morning pages again, and today I go on an artist's date. Not doing The Artist's Way, but doing Vein Of Gold. Or rather, I will be, maybe, probably. Right now I am just trying to get back into the basic tools, nothing more. I haven't started the walks yet.

And on a totally unrelated note, this is a poem that I wrote back in April. I've let it sit, and edited a bit. I'm not wholly satisfied but I'm not sure whether that is justified or just fussing for fussing's sake.

Waking

I had a dream this morning. Not like how it really happened.
In the dream, my mother outlived my father. She was sitting
in the cream brocade chair she reupholstered twice.
She wasn't healthy; her face was grey and her breath was short
and she didn't speak at all. Not that I remember, and I hope
I'd remember every word if she did. Even the ones she never said.

There were children, looking at something, on a trip -
she had invited them, I think, but I no longer recall
why they came. They were unconcerned with the woman
dying in their midst. As full of life as she was empty of it.

This is not so far from the truth, even if almost all of it
never happened anywhere but after dawn, in the hours
when sleep comes and goes, and dreams hover close enough
to waking to be remembered, to pretend they might
have happened somehow, somewhere that is not here.

3 comments:

Jana B said...

Do you have dreams when you're greiving? My father died in Feb, and I've had similar dreams with him in them... usually when I was not letting myself grieve during my waking hours.

Kara said...

Laura, you are back here! I hadn't checked in awhile. I started doing morning pages again too. Though I'm not very regular. More regular with meditation at least.
I want to dream about my mom and I haven't (at least that I'm aware of) - but jana b makes a good point perhaps it shows I'm allowing my grieving in my waking hours.
Your poem really evokes a lot of emotion and I'm glad you shared it.

Carmen said...

I love to read about dreams! And I enjoy writing about mine, too.